A Grand Opening

Published by Santa Claus on

What a wonderful few days it has been boys and girls! To be honest I’m still recovering from the festivities. One of the biggest developments up here in the North Pole has been the creation of The Grand International Big C Reindeer Air and Aviation Flight Training Facility and Gymnasium. This top of the range building has everything the reindeer need to get in shape for our journey around the world on Christmas Eve.

To be honest they are all in tip top shape, but Donner was concerned his antlers weren’t as beefy as they could be, Vixen kept complaining about a lack of focus on the ‘core’, Rudolf became obsessed with ‘bums, tums and thighs’, while Blitzen wanted to get serious with some mixed martial arts. Now they have everything they need under one roof! I even requested a special spa area so they can enjoy a sauna, steam and hoof massage after their training sessions.

Of course I have my own training to do, but I don’t need a fancy training centre. In order to ensure I’m in the best possible shape for our trip I spend at least 11-hours sitting down. Now, just you wait a minute Hayley, Jorgen and Sam, I hear you giggling away! I’ll have you know that sitting down is a serious business – especially on such a long flight. Although my sleigh seat is cushioned with 18-inch thick corduroy pillows, I have to make sure my buttocks are strong, healthy and able to withstand turbulence.

In any case the opening of the building seemed like the perfect opportunity to have a party. Everyone was having such a grand time that I breached strict Christmas protocol and gave everyone the day off! Now don’t worry I wouldn’t have done that if the elves hadn’t completed over ¾ of the toy orders for this year. Sock and underpant levels are lower than we would like for this time of year, I have every faith the elves will catch up. That’s good news for James who will receive lots of underpants from Santa this year – Ho! Ho! Ho!

My favourite band The Spriggan Bards played although I would have preferred to hear the Drumstick Blues, but Mrs. Claus said she couldn’t dance to that song. I gave a speech although everyone was eating so loudly I couldn’t hear anything I said, but I’m sure it was amazing!

Righty Ho! Ho! Ho! I better go and do some buttock presses before lunch.

Speak soon. Be Good.

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